I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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