ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
