I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
