I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
