Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Randomize
