Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
