The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
