I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Randomize
