At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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