Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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