i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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