I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
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