I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I'm always down for nudity.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
