you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
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