I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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