I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
My vagina just recognized that song.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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