I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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