i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Randomize
