Kareoke will never be a sober sport
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
