If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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