if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I need to align my fucking chakras
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
