just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
