He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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