I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
