So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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