Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
