Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
