I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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