is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
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