It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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