3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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