capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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