I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
