How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
no more duck duck goose at the bar
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
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