I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Randomize
