Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
