I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
The beer is more important than you right now.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize