So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
