I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
