It's like God shit irony all over that family
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
