I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Randomize
