Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Randomize
