now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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