just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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