Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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