Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
well you can't waste a boner
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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