no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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