Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
