Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
