i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
