I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
