I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
sex in a hospital.. check
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
