And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Randomize
