i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
