i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
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