His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
