girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Randomize
