i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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