Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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