I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
