Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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