he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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