i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
