plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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