OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
