Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
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