I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
