so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
