why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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