Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I'm just crazy horny about you
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
