What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
