I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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