i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Randomize
