The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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