K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
