Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
It's blow job season.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
