This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
