youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
